Friday, 22 January 2010

It should be part of the deal

I was going to do a simple post today, celebrating my blog's third birthday. But I've just received an email that I thought I'd share with you instead. It comes from someone who doesn't sign his (her?) name but shops at Waitrose and mails from the address ckr@waitrose.com. The subject is "It should be part of the deal that I as an individual is (sic) told the book I am reading is written by a homosexual."

Had I known you were homosexual I would not have chosen to read your book. But once bitten............. etc! Your plea (read this) for others to see reason and accept homosexuality falls on deaf ears with myself and the majority of people. The recent years of outpouring of vile homosexual promotion from every corner, has done them no favours whatsoever. Instead we now know "homophobic" attacks have never been greater. I am not in anyway supporting this, just reporting facts.

But why should we (the general public) be forced to agree with such depravity. When gays become unwell, as they will, it is of their own making. They bring about their own demise. Penetrating the anus, the bodies sewage system is an extraordinary low life act. Why would anyone ever want to engage in any activity that involves their own and others faeces?! It is the most direct way to pass life eroding disease from one individual to another.


The only cure for A.I.D.S is to stop the debauchery that causes it.


I'm not sure which of my books ckr has read, but I hope the experience wasn't too distressing (or, indeed, faecal). In the meantime, it might be worth considering some sort of colour code indicating the sexual preferences of all authors to protect such delicate readers. And why stop at authors? Why not doctors? Busdrivers? It should be part of the deal....

11 comments:

Rob Spence said...

Excellent. Yes, I can see a whole new industry rising up. This could be the solution to the recession. We'll need loads of trainers, who will advise, for instance, shop assistants about how to break the news to customers that the shoes they are about to buy were designed by a homosexual; people to stand outside theatres, advising on which plays were written by gays, which actors it is permissible to watch etc.; people to counsel traumatised folk like your correspondent whose life has been contaminated by reading your work- oh, this is not just the deal, it's the New Deal- it's the ultimate job creation scheme. Well done ckr. You should be placed on the fourth plinth. And preferably concreted onto it.

Wendell Ricketts said...

I, on the other hand, am waiting for Mark Zuckerberg or the worthies at MS to invent a filter that functions for both email and blog comments and warns me whenever an incoming message is written by a drooling, illiterate, Jesus-jumping, smegma-for-brains Neanderthal fucktard who'd probably figure out a way to die of starvation if he was locked overnight in a grocery store. Holler!

Vanessa Gebbie said...

Just a message of support from an extremely boring heterosexual female writer. Do we get warnings on our books too, under this new scheme?

No? I'll sue for discrimination.

And far more importantly, Happy Birthday, Blog.

Anne said...

He might have put a warning in the subject line of his email that the message was from a raving lunatic.

What on earth does he mean by "But once bitten.......etc!"? It implies that once he started reading it he just couldn't help himself and had to stop.

Happy blogday anyway.

Charles Lambert said...

Well, I couldn't wish for more wit or warmth. Thank you!

Brian Keaney said...

Happy birthday to your blog from an appalled heterosexual writer.

Kay Sexton said...

Charles, you really shouldn't have bitten him, and anyway, shouldn't you be posting a warning not just that you're a homosexual, but that your books BITE!

The idiot who wrote to you needs to be disinfected and then quarantined, and then laughed at by busloads of visiting well-adjusted people.

Jenn said...

Oh dear. What an utter lunatic. I hope he's reading this. The email he sent you would have been the best laugh I've had in ages, if it had been a bit of witty fiction you'd written. The fact that there are real people like this in the world is horrifying.

Anne said...

What Jenn said.

Charles, you have made a witty post out of this, but it must have been horrible to open that email. We all know there are virulent haters like that out there, but most of us never have contact with them. He sounds quite old, doesn't he? His sentence structure and vocabulary are fussy (though he is not above grammatical errors). It's years since I've seen anyone put the stops in that acronym. (Or is this something that fundies do?)

I'm assuming the writer is male. He does give himself away rather, doesn't he?

Charles Lambert said...

Once again, thanks for all your support. To be honest, Anne, I was more startled than upset when I opened the mail, though I've been shocked in the past to receive this kind of attack face to face, or, as has also happened, shouted from a passing car (how on earth did they know?). As it was, I read the mail in the very supportive atmosphere of a staff room and was glad I hadn't simply deleted it as spam!

hdk said...

I wish you many happy returns of the [blog]day, Charles (said she, pointedly ignoring the vile and offensive language that ckr used in his note to you).

xxH